Always say goodbye

That easy Saturday you'd wake me up by pulling my beads.You'd follow
me everywhere in the house as if I'd run away from you.You'd cry at
the bathroom door as I take a shower.You won't even let me brush my
teeth in peace you had to follow and imitate daddy.No chills as dad
was in control even as mum was out for work.Fully dressed in heavy
clothes complete with socks and Marvin,you were safe from the
July cold in Nairobi.

I was dressed in a pair of my navy blue shorts and a t-shirt.I know
this was an assurance that daddy will be indoors all day and won't
leave you.Breakfast is served by aunty.You leave your sweetly prepared
uji and opt for my sugarless tea.Its not sweet at all but you decide
to have what daddy has because daddy is never wrong.You reach for the
remote control and randomly press.The channel shows your favorite KCB
cub account advert.That is your favorite I know.I had even requested
uncle Evans who works at KCB to send me so that i would play for you
all the time.

Minutes latter,you turn daddy into a bouncing castle where you'd run
from one end of the couch and land on me.You know daddy gives the
safest landing and with him,you're safe.For a moment it was all laughs
in the sitting room.I'm bored with the Saturday soap operas on every
local station.I decide to play some rhumba from my flash disk.You
don't disappoint as usual.You stand up, and dance to the tunes like
you know the lyrics.Something you didn't know!Daddy used to dance a
lot in his childhood.you're now tired.You disappear from the
sitting room.A minute latter,I discover your silence is up to
mischief.I call out Mark!Mark! You creep back to the sitting room.This
time,holding mums bra on one hand and dragging an iron box with your
other had.You must have been trying to iron mums bra. Who said
bracelet are ironed!

You drop the things in your hands and head for a green paperbag near
the fridge.It has a collection of your toys.You open to confirm.Later,
you innocently say bye as it's the only word you've grasped and you'd
say it often.Even with the innocence in your eyes,I couldn't know if
the 'bye' was genuine.You left me in stitches.I laughed to my last
tooth.You must have noticed but ignored me.You woke to the
door,open,walk out and pull the door behind you.C'mon!you're barely
16months!What are you trying to show me?I tiptoe toward the door and
peep through a crevice.I see you walk downstairs firmly holding on to
the paperbag and the wall for support.I call out your name.you respond
with a surprise  followed by a broad smile.I lift you upstairs
back to the house. Could these have been the signs that you were
leaving daddy?I wish I read the signs.

Latter on,I change to a pair of trousers and leap out to town.I leave
you crying bitterly.This time you cry hard that I hear you from
outside the gate.I wish I understood your language and stayed
back.Yes back as you'd have loved.Despite all,I got one big regret
son,I didn't say goodbye.I seem to never learn from the past.Just a
month ago, my uncle Eddy passed on, I was one of the last people to be
with him but never said goodbye.But as for you,I know we will meet
more often and we will be playing boy games and going for nature walks
as I had promised you earlier.Im now left with a piece of your socks that remind me of you.Daddy loves you always.